I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
