Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
