I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why didn't you poke me back
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
