My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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