I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
