mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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