Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
