My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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