when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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