Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
