I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
