I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
