I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
