i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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