Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
