It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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