hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
