last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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