i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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