I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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