im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
