I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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