I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
