he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
