Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
