I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
