he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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