I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
