Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
