ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
