all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you made out with another girl for some wings
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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