i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
