Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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