Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
