Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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