Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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