Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
