Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
