Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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