I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
