the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
