So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
