and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
