It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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