i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dick very happy bro
Did you pee in the oven last night??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
