I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my shit smells like andre
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
