Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
