Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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