I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
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I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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