i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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