That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
