ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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