i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
