Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
