I wish my penis had an off switch
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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