Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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