Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
