You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
