Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
