Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
