look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
