So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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