College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
whose parrot is this?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
