All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
